Strength can be drawn from anywhere, for me, it came from a shining comet named Hoshimachi Suisei.

This might be a strange place to start, but I’m not a particularly religious person. I grew up in a Catholic household, went to Catholic school, and did the usual rituals: monthly church, learning the catechism. But over time, I strayed from those beliefs and became what I’d call a pragmatic atheist.

Still, I’ve always respected when people say, “I believe in God because He gave me strength in my darkest times.” That sentiment always stuck with me: the idea of finding something or someone that helps you keep going.

And while it may sound odd or even blasphemous to some, that source of strength for me… was a VTuber. Not just any VTuber, but the unstoppable, hardworking, and ever-glowing Hoshimachi Suisei. This post is a thank-you letter to her, for never giving up, for being authentic, and for teaching me that perseverance, no matter how quiet or difficult, can truly shine.

The Spark

I became a Hoshiyomi back in 2020, during the early days of the pandemic. It started with her cover of “E-ma e-ma,” but it was her rendition of “King” that completely pulled me in. From there, I discovered her original songs, her streams, and more importantly: her story.

At the time, I was doing an exchange program abroad as part of my undergrad. It was a big step, exciting on the surface, but incredibly isolating underneath. New place, unfamiliar language, a long way from home. During those quiet, lonely nights, it was Suisei’s music that brought me comfort. I’d loop “Comet” and “Ghost” in my dorm, letting her voice echo through the silence. It wasn’t just music, it was a reminder that I wasn’t alone. That someone out there was also pushing forward, even through uncertainty.

One of the things that stood out to me then (and still does) is her refusal to play the damsel waiting for rescue. In Stellar Stellar and so many of her performances, there’s this recurring theme: she isn’t waiting for a prince, she is the prince. That mindset hit me hard. She was doing what I wanted to do: carving a path on her own terms, no matter how hard it got.

Suisei wasn’t just someone I listened to; she became someone I looked up to.

The Fall

After graduating, I wanted to chase the dream of every young physicist: to get into a direct-entry PhD program and do research in theoretical particle physics. I applied widely, poured my hopes into every application.

And I was rejected by every single one.

I felt devastated. I had worked so hard, planned everything out, and still wasn’t enough. I thought that was it, that I had failed for good.

The Choice to Keep Going

But Suisei was still in my mind, and in my headphones. Her journey from obscurity to the big stage, all while staying true to herself, reminded me of something important: you don’t stop just because the first door didn’t open. You find another one, or build your own.

So, I took a breath, cried a little, and went back to my alma mater. I applied to a Master’s program, not as prestigious, but one where I could regroup, rebuild, and keep trying.

That choice changed everything.

The Climb

During those two years, I met an incredible advisor who helped me shift into a new field: Computational Soft Matter Physics. He helped me confront fears I didn’t even know I had, pushed me forward when I hesitated, and gave me space to grow as a researcher and as a person.

I made my first poste, gave my first conference talk, submitted a paper, wrote a thesis, and started to believe in myself again. But of course, there were rough days, days full of imposter syndrome, exhaustion, and self-doubt.

On those days, I looked to Suisei again. I even started painting my nails in her signature blue, a small, visible reminder not to give up. Whenever I caught a glimpse of it, it felt like a quiet promise to myself: keep going, like she does.

The Leap

When it was time to decide on my next step, apply abroad again, or stay in my comfort zone, I froze. I have a habit of sabotaging myself when it matters most. But that blue nail reminded me of why I started. And who inspired me to start again.

I applied.

And this time, I got in.

The New Chapter

I’m writing this now from my dorm room, on the other side of the world, after my first day as a PhD student at a really good university. I went to the group office, met my new colleagues, and took the first real step into this next stage of my life.

It was a good day.

And I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the strength I found in Suisei’s music, her story, and her spirit. I still don’t know what the future holds for me, but I am only certain of one thing: to keep pushing forward as she has always done.

Thank You

I’ve never told anyone this story, not my friends, not even my family. But Suisei has been with me through it all: from the loneliness of my undergrad exchange, to the heartbreak of rejection, to the quiet victories that brought me here.

She reminded me to move forward, even if it’s just a little at a time. She reminded me that I didn’t need to be saved, that I could be the one to keep walking.

So thank you, Suisei. For your music. For your strength. For refusing to give up.

You are the prince of your own story, and because of you, I’m trying to be the same.

ありがとう、すいちゃん。

You’re an inspiration to millions, and to me.